I haven't blogged in awhile. To be acurate, I've started two other posts and not finished them. I just haven't felt inspired....
I'm having one of my "I'm frustrated with community" weeks. I have these times when I think it would be really fun if Mark had a "normal" job. When we got married, he had a really fun job. He worked events for a company that did a lot for Microsoft. There were a lot of fun perks with his job...we got SWAG from events, got to go to fun dinners and I even got to stay with him for a week at the Sheraton in downtown Seattle. I love staying in hotels...its something about someone else making my bed.
Our first year of marriage, we popped in and out of church. My parents had just moved, so my dad was no longer my pastor, and we took a few weekends away and went to his parents or B&B's. That was fun. (Of course, I was working too, so we had a lot more money for weekend trips)
If someone at his old work didn't like him, it didn't really affect me. I didn't have to interact with them at all really. I could listen to his stories about conflict, but I didn't have to sit in a pew with them on Sunday while he preaches to them...
Sometimes those feel like the "good 'ol days". I'm tired of community today...I'm tired of feeling judgement from friends, whether real or just percieved judgement, about how I'm raising my kids...I'm tired of silly e-mails that my husband has to "kindly" respond to from well-meaning people, that I take personally but he can let go of so easily...I'm tired of the fact that its Saturday morning and my husband is over at the church undecorating from Christmas, when he should be hanging out with us....I'm kind of in a funk and hope that those who read this will not judge me further for feeling this way.
For the most part, I love what Mark does, the people that we are in community with, the life that we have here on our little corner in Seattle...then there are those moments....hopefully there is grace in those moments...that is what community is about, right?
3 comments:
the two of you should take a weekend away, i'm sure the people at church would be very understanding...everyone needs a break every now and then!
I know I've told you this story..but I remember when someone in church told my mom, to her face, that I was wearing too much mascara. I was about 15 - I guess we'll have to wait until heaven to have it all work out. Know that you are loved and you're both doing such great work - it's a breakthrough year for us all!
RLG
P.S. Your children are fine...they love you and Jesus and that's really all that matters and I for one, am not going to stop buying them whatever they want!
I know it can be frustrating. I've been involved with the innerworkings of the church for about 13 years now, and sometimes I really hate going to church. I often wonder why I can't just be a regular person who walks in the door when it starts, and walks out the door when it's over, and doesn't think about the politics of everything in between. But in all honesty, I think I would go nuts as a 'pew warmer.'
I recently read the chapters on Worship and Service in Eugene Peterson's 'A Long Obedience in the Same Direction,' and it really convicted me to remember God's call for his people to gather together and worship, despite what we *feel* like doing. And that only comes when we serve God first, and let our service to others fall out of our desire to serve God.
Anyway, I was recently in a really bad spot too, regarding my church community, and my point is I came through it encouraged that God is bigger than the biggest idiot I know, including me. :) I hope you also find encouragement through the frustration.
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