I've had a picture running through my mind today since learning about the death of infamous "pastor" Fred Phelps. It is a picture of Mr. Phelps reaching heaven after breathing his last breath on this earth and being embraced by Jesus....I keep picturing Jesus embracing him with all of the love that he has for ALL of us and whispering in Mr. Phelps ear, "I love you no matter what...no matter what you did, no matter what you didn't do...I love you."
There is a twist to the picture though and here is where my conjecture really comes in, but let's face it, none of us really knows how it all works. I picture as Jesus is whispering in Mr. Phelps' ear, somehow, supernaturally, Mr. Phelps is able to feel, experience, understand all it was that God actually had in mind for him in this life - he is met with all the love, but also all of the knowledge and understanding of "what could have been"....the people he could have loved and instead shunned....the people he could have drawn towards Christ instead of barring them from knowing His love....the love that he could have felt in this life instead of the hate he always seemed to be drawn to. And when this happens, I imagine that for just a brief moment in heaven, there is some grief as Mr. Phelps is met with what could have been and what wasn't - just for a moment - before he is completely enveloped in the love that he so strongly denied others while he was alive. Maybe that's his judgement - knowing - knowledge of what he could have done to help others experience that love and having a moment to grieve that with Jesus. Please don't call me a heretic, well, go ahead, I don't really care if you want to know the truth...:)
I feel sorry for him and those like him - can you imagine what had to have happened to him in his life to make him turn towards hate so strongly? I have compassion and grace for him, because I need that same compassion and grace too...I'm not a picnic to live with, believe me. I'm grouchy and tired and short tempered and jealous and sad sometimes and I worry a lot and I take those feelings out mostly on my immediate family because I know they HAVE to love me and thank God they do. But, I need grace every day from God and from those around me.
I wonder if my meeting with Jesus will be all that different than Mr. Phelps? I hope so. But you know what? I don't know that live every day in the light of all that God really has for me. I have a feeling that when I get there, along with the love and grace there may be some mourning as well. It's not about "shoulds" and "coulds" but I do think it's about making the most of every day and realizing that every encounter that we have with others matters and can be sacred if we let it. Grace is amazing and I believe God applies it liberally and with vigor - but realizing that what we do, how we treat people, how we love in this life matters is important as well. I don't know how it all works, but I hope I'm close with this picture - wouldn't it be amazing to meet a changed, grace-filled Fred Phelps when we all get there? Just imagine the story of Amazing Grace he will be able to tell....
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Community: It's a Good Thing...
I'm back to a "normal" routine after a long summer of sleeping in, days watching cartoons in our pj's and staying up late...We are back to getting up early: Will has to be out of the house by 7:15, helping with homework after school and fighing over bedtimes. I truly love both seasons...just as I'm getting really tired of Summer and start craving a schedule again, September rolls around and then just as I think I can no longer force one of my kids to sit at the kitchen table and finish their homework, it's June again. It's really a great system for me because I like both organization and loosey-goosey, which is weird, I know...
But, I'm back to working my regular schedule plus some...our Mosaic manager, Christi was offered a new job that is amazing for her and I'm very happy for her although that means that Mark and I are opening Mosaic on a couple mornings and my hours behind the bar have increased. I have to be honest, I wasn't completely looking forward to this. I've enjoyed my days of getting the kids off to school and sitting with my cup of coffee, watching the Today Show until about 9:00 and then sauntering over to the office and sitting at my nice desk. I organize stuff and pay bills and do traffic control for the building and it's nice and safe. So being back behind the counter has been a little intimidating for me. We have some new systems in place, new "regulars" that I haven't met yet, just new stuff...
Yesterday went okay, I was out of my usual rhythm with making drinks and handling a line and explaining who we are...this morning I felt more like myself. I met three new friends. They live in an old school bus. Zoe is a small girl with brightly colored dreadlocks. She looks like a girl who has never met a stranger, she smiles easily and seemed genuinely shocked that she could get some food and a drink, even if she didn't have any money. She's in culinary school and her dream is to graduate and travel around the country in her school bus making food for people who need it. She told me if anyone comes in with food they got at a food bank that has to be cooked - which happens, we've had people come to us with whole uncooked chickens and dozens of eggs, not knowing what they should to with them - she would be happy to cook it for them. She wants to cook for nomadic peoples in the US - I'm not sure where those people are, but she's looking for them. I didn't completely understand this girl, but her smile was contagious and I found myself saying to her, "Do you know that your name means LIFE?" And she replied, "Yes! In Greek!" She was a bundle of life, her name fit her well.
She came in with Billy - he was a quieter guy with a warm smile. He ordered and ate his food and then came back up to the counter with a little pouch that was shaped like a skunk. He asked me if I collected rocks, which I don't. But he was taking out these beautiful little stones of all different shapes and colors. He's from Georgia originally and he's been collecting these rocks across the country. He told me that he likes to give them out to people that he wants to bless...so he gave me a piece of unpolished turquoise and a black obsidian for Mark. He told me that if we polish them up they will be really beautiful.
Isaac was an even quieter young man. I think he's new to the "group". He just made it to Seattle from Tennessee, he had a sweet southern drawl and called me "ma'am". He came back as they were heading out and asked me if we take donations so later, when he has a job he can come back and bring us some money. Now, we hear this all the time, but I think Isaac really will - it was the way he asked me so seriously.
These three just made me smile...I don't really understand their lifestyle. I don't want to live in an old school bus with a bunch of stinky people. I love the security I have of home and family and church. I don't know if they even have the option of that security at this point, or if they want it. But we were kind to them and they received that kindness and gave it back to us and this made me happy. It also made me thankful for a place of community where I get to meet people that I might never meet except for this space.
But, you don't have to have a space like Mosaic to have community. We can create community and take it with us where ever we go. Here's a challenge, and believe me, I'm talking to myself first: find a way to interact with someone today that you wouldn't typically talk with or get to know.
That guy outside your grocery store with a sign? Stop and look him in the eyes and say "Hi!" and ask him how his day is going, even if you aren't going to give him any money. Acknowlege him as a human being instead of just passing by.
That harried mom that you see at the park who looks like she needs a break? Sit down next to her on the bench while your kids play and strike up a conversation, you might make a new friend, or you might not, but it won't hurt, I promise.
That neighbor across the street that you haven't spoken to yet? Bake some cookies (or buy them :) and simply ring their doorbell, no one does this anymore - at least not in my neighborhood. Community can be created where ever you are at, you don't have to have a space for it...bring it with you! It will make a difference!
But, I'm back to working my regular schedule plus some...our Mosaic manager, Christi was offered a new job that is amazing for her and I'm very happy for her although that means that Mark and I are opening Mosaic on a couple mornings and my hours behind the bar have increased. I have to be honest, I wasn't completely looking forward to this. I've enjoyed my days of getting the kids off to school and sitting with my cup of coffee, watching the Today Show until about 9:00 and then sauntering over to the office and sitting at my nice desk. I organize stuff and pay bills and do traffic control for the building and it's nice and safe. So being back behind the counter has been a little intimidating for me. We have some new systems in place, new "regulars" that I haven't met yet, just new stuff...
Yesterday went okay, I was out of my usual rhythm with making drinks and handling a line and explaining who we are...this morning I felt more like myself. I met three new friends. They live in an old school bus. Zoe is a small girl with brightly colored dreadlocks. She looks like a girl who has never met a stranger, she smiles easily and seemed genuinely shocked that she could get some food and a drink, even if she didn't have any money. She's in culinary school and her dream is to graduate and travel around the country in her school bus making food for people who need it. She told me if anyone comes in with food they got at a food bank that has to be cooked - which happens, we've had people come to us with whole uncooked chickens and dozens of eggs, not knowing what they should to with them - she would be happy to cook it for them. She wants to cook for nomadic peoples in the US - I'm not sure where those people are, but she's looking for them. I didn't completely understand this girl, but her smile was contagious and I found myself saying to her, "Do you know that your name means LIFE?" And she replied, "Yes! In Greek!" She was a bundle of life, her name fit her well.
She came in with Billy - he was a quieter guy with a warm smile. He ordered and ate his food and then came back up to the counter with a little pouch that was shaped like a skunk. He asked me if I collected rocks, which I don't. But he was taking out these beautiful little stones of all different shapes and colors. He's from Georgia originally and he's been collecting these rocks across the country. He told me that he likes to give them out to people that he wants to bless...so he gave me a piece of unpolished turquoise and a black obsidian for Mark. He told me that if we polish them up they will be really beautiful.
Isaac was an even quieter young man. I think he's new to the "group". He just made it to Seattle from Tennessee, he had a sweet southern drawl and called me "ma'am". He came back as they were heading out and asked me if we take donations so later, when he has a job he can come back and bring us some money. Now, we hear this all the time, but I think Isaac really will - it was the way he asked me so seriously.
These three just made me smile...I don't really understand their lifestyle. I don't want to live in an old school bus with a bunch of stinky people. I love the security I have of home and family and church. I don't know if they even have the option of that security at this point, or if they want it. But we were kind to them and they received that kindness and gave it back to us and this made me happy. It also made me thankful for a place of community where I get to meet people that I might never meet except for this space.
But, you don't have to have a space like Mosaic to have community. We can create community and take it with us where ever we go. Here's a challenge, and believe me, I'm talking to myself first: find a way to interact with someone today that you wouldn't typically talk with or get to know.
That guy outside your grocery store with a sign? Stop and look him in the eyes and say "Hi!" and ask him how his day is going, even if you aren't going to give him any money. Acknowlege him as a human being instead of just passing by.
That harried mom that you see at the park who looks like she needs a break? Sit down next to her on the bench while your kids play and strike up a conversation, you might make a new friend, or you might not, but it won't hurt, I promise.
That neighbor across the street that you haven't spoken to yet? Bake some cookies (or buy them :) and simply ring their doorbell, no one does this anymore - at least not in my neighborhood. Community can be created where ever you are at, you don't have to have a space for it...bring it with you! It will make a difference!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
A Thought for Today....
I've felt drawn back to blogging recently...maybe it's because I don't feel like I can say all that I would like to say in that little space on Twitter or Facebook. Maybe it's because, as I get older, I think thoughts and then they are gone...so, maybe, if I write them down, I can capture them and hold them and revisit them later. For some reason, I've gone through a period of feeling like I don't have much to say, or at least no thoughts that matter in the grand scheme of life.
I think motherhood will do that to you, especially mothering high maintanence kids - even though only one of my kids is technically "special needs", they are both a handful and I think sometimes, just the maintaining of life and ministry and homework and dinner and laundry seems to suck every thought and energy out of my mind and body and there seems to be nothing left. By the end of the day, I have the mental energy for the monotony of knitting and television and that's about it.
I think my husband and my chosen vocation or "calling" does that to us as well....But, recently, I've been thinking more about things and life and homelessness and grace and church and God and family and....I think I need to start writing some of it down.
So, here's my thought for today...I walked through Mosaic on my way up to the office this morning and one of our street kids was at the counter. I have heard a lot recently about this particular kid and I hadn't yet put a face with a name, but I did today. This young man was the one that, last week, started a fight with an older homeless man outside of the coffeehouse and they ended up bringing some of their "issues" in...many heated words were exchanged, threats were issued, cops were called...and it goes on and on. We've had problems with this same young man in the past and he always tends to be belligerent, looking for a chance to claim that he's being slighted in some way. In the end, it was decided that he would be kicked out for a week, which he was very unhappy about. He claimed that it was unfair and exclaimed "I will never be back here again!" We heard of threats to break all the windows out in Mosaic, that we didn't truly care about homeless kids, and on and on...well, this morning, his week was up and guess who was back?
It was so strange as Mark and I walked through - Christi was fixing him a drink and getting him some Cup of Noodles. Mark greeted him and he grunted a semi-concious response. He definitely doesn't seem sorry or repentant in any way...he was driven in, maybe out of desperation for a caffeine fix or a place to sit and charge his phone, who knows. But, he was met with grace - doesn't mean that there aren't consequences for actions or that we aren't watching him closely to ensure everyone's safety, etc - but there is always a path back, always an offer of redemption.
This doesn't mean that it's easy to offer, in the day in, day out world that we live in of people treating us poorly, taking advantage, not getting what we think they deserve. But, I was reminded this morning while re-reading some of Brennan Manning's "The Ragamuffin Gospel" - he says, "The Good News of the gospel of grace cries out: we are all, equally, privileged but unentitled beggars at the door of God's mercy!" I need grace just as much as this young man does and I'm no more deserving of it than he is - and believe me, I would bet that life has been kinder to me than it has been to him.
We all have desperation in our lives and cry out for grace...I think that remembering this helps us as we interact with others who need us to be gracious to them. I need this reminder almost daily. I am no more important or deserving of grace than the crazy homeless girl with a barking dog that drives me nuts, or the person pissing me off while riding my tail driving through my neighborhood, or the "friend" on Facebook who posts again about some political cause opposite from mine...and on and on...A friend reminded my through a Facebook status recently that it's a privilege to do what we do here - it's a privilege to offer grace because we've been offered it over and over and that's what I need to remember today.
I think motherhood will do that to you, especially mothering high maintanence kids - even though only one of my kids is technically "special needs", they are both a handful and I think sometimes, just the maintaining of life and ministry and homework and dinner and laundry seems to suck every thought and energy out of my mind and body and there seems to be nothing left. By the end of the day, I have the mental energy for the monotony of knitting and television and that's about it.
I think my husband and my chosen vocation or "calling" does that to us as well....But, recently, I've been thinking more about things and life and homelessness and grace and church and God and family and....I think I need to start writing some of it down.
So, here's my thought for today...I walked through Mosaic on my way up to the office this morning and one of our street kids was at the counter. I have heard a lot recently about this particular kid and I hadn't yet put a face with a name, but I did today. This young man was the one that, last week, started a fight with an older homeless man outside of the coffeehouse and they ended up bringing some of their "issues" in...many heated words were exchanged, threats were issued, cops were called...and it goes on and on. We've had problems with this same young man in the past and he always tends to be belligerent, looking for a chance to claim that he's being slighted in some way. In the end, it was decided that he would be kicked out for a week, which he was very unhappy about. He claimed that it was unfair and exclaimed "I will never be back here again!" We heard of threats to break all the windows out in Mosaic, that we didn't truly care about homeless kids, and on and on...well, this morning, his week was up and guess who was back?
It was so strange as Mark and I walked through - Christi was fixing him a drink and getting him some Cup of Noodles. Mark greeted him and he grunted a semi-concious response. He definitely doesn't seem sorry or repentant in any way...he was driven in, maybe out of desperation for a caffeine fix or a place to sit and charge his phone, who knows. But, he was met with grace - doesn't mean that there aren't consequences for actions or that we aren't watching him closely to ensure everyone's safety, etc - but there is always a path back, always an offer of redemption.
This doesn't mean that it's easy to offer, in the day in, day out world that we live in of people treating us poorly, taking advantage, not getting what we think they deserve. But, I was reminded this morning while re-reading some of Brennan Manning's "The Ragamuffin Gospel" - he says, "The Good News of the gospel of grace cries out: we are all, equally, privileged but unentitled beggars at the door of God's mercy!" I need grace just as much as this young man does and I'm no more deserving of it than he is - and believe me, I would bet that life has been kinder to me than it has been to him.
We all have desperation in our lives and cry out for grace...I think that remembering this helps us as we interact with others who need us to be gracious to them. I need this reminder almost daily. I am no more important or deserving of grace than the crazy homeless girl with a barking dog that drives me nuts, or the person pissing me off while riding my tail driving through my neighborhood, or the "friend" on Facebook who posts again about some political cause opposite from mine...and on and on...A friend reminded my through a Facebook status recently that it's a privilege to do what we do here - it's a privilege to offer grace because we've been offered it over and over and that's what I need to remember today.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Out of the Mouth of a 4-year old...
Just have to tell you all something hilarious that Lora said yesterday....well, Mark and I thought it was hilarious....Will had an early dismissal yesterday and Lora has school in the afternoon so I was telling Will that when I pick him up, it will just be he and I for the afternoon. He immediately goes "Woo Hoo! No Lora!!!" To which his sister responds, with great emotion..."Will, If a PERSON cares about another PERSON, they should not, NOT miss that person when they are not there!" It was hilarious, and also I moot point because Lora ended up not feeling well and they played together all afternoon....
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Back in the Saddle Again...
So, we are back in the swing of school, work, life since the ending of Summer....In some ways, I actually enjoy Fall better than Summer. I know, I'm crazy, but I enjoy the cooling off of the weather (although this week has been beautiful in Seattle), I am a person who functions better with a forced schedule - sadly. I am not really good at making up a full fun-packed schedule on my own so during the summer we end up in our pj's until noon, cartoons, books, playing in the backyard, etc...which, I'm convinced, is why Will has not wanted to get back into the swing of school...Too much fun and doing whatever.
Tomorrow we have Lora's class visit to her new Preschool and then tomorrow night is a parent's meeting. She starts back on Monday. It will be interesting to see what life will feel like with one in school all day and the other in for 4 day a week 1/2 days...With upping my hours and Mosaic and hopefully volunteering at Will's school, I don't think I'll have that many "extra" hours but we'll see.
We have a new addition to our home...Will and Mark were given a combined birthday present of a Wii game system, which has been a lot of fun (another reason not to want to go to school...) I totally rock at bowling and golf - my papa would be so proud of the golfer I am becoming...of course, I know it doesn't REALLY count since I don't even have to watch the ball or anything, but I enjoy it! Now we just need Dance Dance Revolution, Rock Band, Wii Fit.....
Tomorrow we have Lora's class visit to her new Preschool and then tomorrow night is a parent's meeting. She starts back on Monday. It will be interesting to see what life will feel like with one in school all day and the other in for 4 day a week 1/2 days...With upping my hours and Mosaic and hopefully volunteering at Will's school, I don't think I'll have that many "extra" hours but we'll see.
We have a new addition to our home...Will and Mark were given a combined birthday present of a Wii game system, which has been a lot of fun (another reason not to want to go to school...) I totally rock at bowling and golf - my papa would be so proud of the golfer I am becoming...of course, I know it doesn't REALLY count since I don't even have to watch the ball or anything, but I enjoy it! Now we just need Dance Dance Revolution, Rock Band, Wii Fit.....
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Chhh...changes...
I just found out last night that the Spanish teacher and Assistant teacher that Will had last year (K) and was supposed to have this year (we are on a looping program so you have the same teachers for 2 years)...we LOVED both of them...the teacher is moving to 2/3 and the assistant is aparently gone...anyway, he will have different teachers for 1st grade, at least in Spanish..I was so sad because as I mentioned, we loved them! Anyway,I very carefully talked to Will and explained to him that he would be having a different teacher, etc and that Srta. Karin would be gone also...and he just looked at me and said "okay"...I yelled up to Mark, "Our son has absolutely no feelings at all, we are raising a robot"...which, of course isn't true, but I wanted some sign of emotion over this news that I was heartsick about...
Maybe he is smart enough to realize that he will have Srta Maria back in 2/3? Maybe he just instinctively knows it will be alright now matter what? Maybe, thankfully, he's not as neurotic as me? Should I just count my blessings that he's not overly emotional, well, unless he loses at Nintendo...Kids are funny, I think I could learn something from him...
Maybe he is smart enough to realize that he will have Srta Maria back in 2/3? Maybe he just instinctively knows it will be alright now matter what? Maybe, thankfully, he's not as neurotic as me? Should I just count my blessings that he's not overly emotional, well, unless he loses at Nintendo...Kids are funny, I think I could learn something from him...
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
For...or...Against?
I have a question that has been bothering me for awhile...its a serious question and I'm not trying to spark a huge political debate. But, is it possible to be "for" your candidate but not "against" the other? I am supporting one candidate for president, but I don't feel like that makes me automatically "against" the other. I admire the other candidate, I do not want the demise of the other candidate, I am not sending mass e-mails that lie about the other candidate...I have been incredibly surprised during this election, and its not over, at some of the things that I have read and seen. I have friends on Facebook who have pictures of a certain candidate on their "flair" board with a big red "X" through his face, people have joined groups called "Down with.......in 08". It has honestly surprised me. I don't know if this is the normal level of hostility and this is just the first election where I've really been aware of what goes on? Is it because of the amount of media coverage which is completely out of control?
I really want to know what people think...what is up this year? I hope the answer is not that we are all racist...but I fear that that may be part of it...I used to be part of a discussion site and someone admitted on there that he felt like America really had to get used to the idea of a non-white person as president and that is why everyone is being so hard on him...that scared me a little. I realize that we all have policy differences, but I'm asking more about the mean, hateful, untruthful things that are going around and wondering if this is normal? Can anyone tell me???
I really want to know what people think...what is up this year? I hope the answer is not that we are all racist...but I fear that that may be part of it...I used to be part of a discussion site and someone admitted on there that he felt like America really had to get used to the idea of a non-white person as president and that is why everyone is being so hard on him...that scared me a little. I realize that we all have policy differences, but I'm asking more about the mean, hateful, untruthful things that are going around and wondering if this is normal? Can anyone tell me???
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Connecting...
I joined Facebook awhile back...its been fun because through it I've reconnected with a lot of different people from different parts of my life. I've talked with high school friends, college friends, even someone I worked with ten or so years ago. Its fun...its nice to catch up, see pictures of kids grown up, friends who look the same with maybe a few extra pounds (in my case) or some new wrinkles...some look exactly the same - I hate those people...
Its all relatively "surface" though...you are unable to have a really deep conversation - there is no sitting across from each other over a cup of coffee to really look into each other eyes and see how the years have really changed us all. Its funny because one of my reconnections actually asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee and it made me a little nervous - to go deeper with a person, to really meet face to face - extra fat and all - is a little scary...I'm not good at keeping in contact with people once our paths go in different directions - even people in my own family, just ask my brother...
Its funny because through Facebook and then talking with classmates about our 20 year High School reunion coming up this year, it has made me think about other people that I've lost contact with...Charisse, Jill, Jason, David, Jon, Heidi, Lisa...the list goes on. I decide to search for them on Facebook to see if we can reconnect - I tell myself, "I need to be a better friend and sister"...but then life gets busy and the weeks pass...maybe I should go call my brother...
Its all relatively "surface" though...you are unable to have a really deep conversation - there is no sitting across from each other over a cup of coffee to really look into each other eyes and see how the years have really changed us all. Its funny because one of my reconnections actually asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee and it made me a little nervous - to go deeper with a person, to really meet face to face - extra fat and all - is a little scary...I'm not good at keeping in contact with people once our paths go in different directions - even people in my own family, just ask my brother...
Its funny because through Facebook and then talking with classmates about our 20 year High School reunion coming up this year, it has made me think about other people that I've lost contact with...Charisse, Jill, Jason, David, Jon, Heidi, Lisa...the list goes on. I decide to search for them on Facebook to see if we can reconnect - I tell myself, "I need to be a better friend and sister"...but then life gets busy and the weeks pass...maybe I should go call my brother...
Monday, June 16, 2008
Goodbye Kindergarten...
| I should be in bed asleep...Mark and I were both up most of the night last night with Lora coughing and tonight, thanks to children's Claritin, she is sleeping peacefully...but I'm up. I've been reading through old blog posts and realizing how long its been since I posted anything... I just read through my post on Will's first day in Kindergarten...it was interesting to read it tonight, the night before his Kindergarten graduation. Mark was talking to me tonight about how grown up 1st grade sounds - it sounds so much older than Kindergarten for some reason...I'm so happy and proud about the year that Will has had...he has learned so much, made so many friends, grown so in both height and maturity...he really is a great kid. He's funny and smart and has a tender heart - most of the time... His school is one of the pilot schools for the Seeds of Compassion curriculum which is the program that the Dali Lama and Desmond Tutu helped to write - so they have been talking a lot about Empathy and Compassion at school. Will loves to give lectures to us about many things - we've heard everything you would ever want to hear about foxes, Green Bags, Life Alert Systems, Earth Day and now Empathy. So a while back, he was going on and on to Mark about how we need to be empathetic and compassionate to others (if you know Will, he was doing his usual pacing back and forth while talking)...so the conversation went like this... Will: We need to be empathetic to others, we need to have compassion (or something like that, pacing back and forth)... Mark: Well Will, you're right. In fact, we are followers of Christ and so we try to do the things that Christ told us to do. Jesus said that if you have two coats and you go outside and see someone who doesn't have a coat and they're cold..Do you know what you're supposed to do that would be compassionate? Lora: (Who pipes up with the Sunday School answer) I think you give them one of your coats... Will: I think you say to them "You should go inside, its cold out here!" So he hasn't learned it all yet...but it was funny because Mark and my 10th anniversary was a couple of weeks ago and we have this tradition of watching our wedding video together and this year we decided to make the kids watch it with us...Lora lasted about 5 minutes and was bored but Will was riveted to the screen. We got to the part where Mark and I are on the platform holding hands, staring at each other while a song is being sung in the background...I look over at Will and he is literally fighting back tears so I say, "Honey are you okay?" to which he responds "Don't look at me! Don't look at me!" and then, "Its just so beautiful, I think I'm crying." It was so sweet and one of those moments I don't want to forget - believe me there are many moments of fighting and yelling, that cause me to need to recall this memory... But, he is growing up and he is becoming a great person who I enjoy hanging out with. He's reading (he read "Are you my Mother?" all by himself the other night)...he's doing math...he's watching shows that aren't cartoons (we watched "The Naked Brothers Band" together the other night and he said "Mommy, we have this in common, we both like this show")...he can quote whole commercials that he has seen...he has friends that he cares about...he loves his sister and doesn't yell at her when she stands in front of the TV so she can see it...he's in that great space where he's getting more self sufficient but still wants to cuddle, still likes kisses (sometimes) and still tells me he loves me... So tomorrow, we say "Goodbye" to Kindergarten and "Hello" to 1st grade...after a long summer of me trying to think of ways to occupy two busy childrent....but I think he's ready for it... |
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Funky Funky Funk Funk....
Please note, that is an "n" in the word above...and if you don't have kids under the age of 5 or cable TV (Jen), you may not have caught the "Yo Gabba Gabba" reference...if you don't get the reference, consider yourself lucky - it is about the most annoying show ever created...but I digress...
I've been in a kind of funk this week, not sure why...Mark tried to analyze it for me yesterday and everything he came up with didn't seem like "the" reason. I do this every once in awhile - not enough that I think merits medication or intense counseling or anything - just a funk...The main signs are that my house is a little dirtier, I'm a little less patient with my kids & husband, I cry more easily, I'm not eating as well...I was just thinking that its four years ago right around this time of year that we got Lora's diagnosis - maybe I have Spring Depression now because of that...who knows.
But, something that raised my spirits today...Mark dropped Lora and Will off at school this morning and I opened at Mosaic. When he came here to work with me, he had Lora's first school picture. Its funny because I've been a little nervous about getting it. When you have a non-perfect child (not that anyone has a perfect one...) things like pictures are hard. I forget about her issues a lot of times but a picture of her eyes brings it all back. This morning however, I was presented with a picture of a beautiful little girl with two eyes looking straight at the camera! (Granted, the right one is a little bit crossed, but barely noticable). She looks so cute in her bright pink glasses and little bobbed hair! She's such a joy (both of my kids are...I need to write a post about foxes, because Will has been lecturing me about them recently, that and Compassion/Empathy...) and she's doing so well. Mark said that this morning in the car she said to him, "Daddy, someday you're going to hear me on the radio. I don't know what I'll be singing, but someday you'll turn on the radio and there I'll be!" If that doesn't get a person out of a funk, I don't know what will....
I've been in a kind of funk this week, not sure why...Mark tried to analyze it for me yesterday and everything he came up with didn't seem like "the" reason. I do this every once in awhile - not enough that I think merits medication or intense counseling or anything - just a funk...The main signs are that my house is a little dirtier, I'm a little less patient with my kids & husband, I cry more easily, I'm not eating as well...I was just thinking that its four years ago right around this time of year that we got Lora's diagnosis - maybe I have Spring Depression now because of that...who knows.
But, something that raised my spirits today...Mark dropped Lora and Will off at school this morning and I opened at Mosaic. When he came here to work with me, he had Lora's first school picture. Its funny because I've been a little nervous about getting it. When you have a non-perfect child (not that anyone has a perfect one...) things like pictures are hard. I forget about her issues a lot of times but a picture of her eyes brings it all back. This morning however, I was presented with a picture of a beautiful little girl with two eyes looking straight at the camera! (Granted, the right one is a little bit crossed, but barely noticable). She looks so cute in her bright pink glasses and little bobbed hair! She's such a joy (both of my kids are...I need to write a post about foxes, because Will has been lecturing me about them recently, that and Compassion/Empathy...) and she's doing so well. Mark said that this morning in the car she said to him, "Daddy, someday you're going to hear me on the radio. I don't know what I'll be singing, but someday you'll turn on the radio and there I'll be!" If that doesn't get a person out of a funk, I don't know what will....
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Happy Mother's Day to me...
| My kids (read Mark) got me the best Mother's Day presents and they insisted that I open them tonight...They got me some great gardening tools for the vegetable garden we're growing....they got me "Lars and the Real Girl" and "Juno" (two of the best movies out right now)....AND the DVD's for the WHOLE SERIES of GILMORE GIRLS!!! I love the Gilmore Girls! I am completely enamored with the Gilmore Girls! I rented the first five seasons on Netflix a couple of years ago and stayed up late every night watching them...there is something about the relationships, quick banter and plethora of pop culture references that just gets me...I've been wanting to own the series since the show ended this last year and so my sweet husband bought them for me...and then, he even watched 4 whole episodes with me...I am now on episode 6 - he's in bed...Did I mention that I love the Gilmore Girls??? |
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Bring Me Your Plastic Bags...
So, in honor of Earth Day yesterday, I made a tote bag...a couple of months ago, at the doctor's office, I saw a lady knitting an interesting project...so, being a knitter, I asked her about it. She was knitting with strips of plastic made from her plastic grocery bags. So, I looked up a pattern on-line. I decided that, for some reason, crocheting with plastic seemed easier than knitting so I picked a crochet pattern and made a bag. The picture I've posted is not the one I made, its another pattern I found today that I like even better and will try to make next, but it gives you an idea...I was amazed by how strong the bag is, it would make a great Farmer's Market bag or grocery bag.
So, this is a plea for you to bring me your bags...I would love to make a reusable bag for you, if you want one....or I was thinking I could try to sell them on Etsy and give all the money to Kiva or something like that....I also think it would be fun to do a class at Mosaic on how to make your own...anyway DON'T throw away any more plastic bags, give them to me!!!
As Will said to me today "Mommy every day should be Earth Day!"
Sunday, April 13, 2008
These are My People...
| I haven’t blogged in awhile. Maybe I have writer’s block, which is weird since I’m not really a writer… I’ve actually been mulling some things over for the past couple of weeks. It all started when we went to the district meeting for our denomination a couple of weeks ago. I used to really enjoy these kind of meetings – for some weird reason – its kind of like a mini-family reunion where you get to see everyone… from the boy you dated in college, to the friend you went to both Summer youth camp and later college with, to the uncle you never get to see (in my case, its my real uncle – not a fake uncle if we were sticking with the “family reunion” metaphor). And I did see people that fit all three of those descriptions… A couple of years ago, I found myself liking these meeting less and less…I still really like the people I get to see, at least most of them…but as I’ve gotten older and deeper into this thing we call “ministry” I find myself getting more cynical and less Christ-like in these types of situations. I have to watch myself and what I say and how I act because I get frustrated – I mourn the fact that it SEEMS like even in our churches we are still holding up the empire to the detriment of the Kingdom. There is so much focus on numbers – mainly numbers of converts – that someone, like me, from a smallish church can come away feeling discouraged instead of encouraged. There are a few people that I really resonate with – like my friends from Church of the Undignified in Capitol Hill – but most, I have to be honest…I kept thinking to myself, “These are not my people”…I don’t feel like I “fit” there anymore. To be completely open, I came away feeling pretty tired and frustrated… We came home and after a break to recover, we went back to our routine on Monday. On Tuesday morning, I was back in Mosaic making Lattes and chatting with moms, business people, Tammy, the “usuals”…by Wednesday night, I was back in the swing of things. A lot of our regulars came in, S, C, D, K & S and their kids….I was sitting at a table talking with K, a young mother and UW student (she is super-smart, studying some sort of medical research that I will never understand) – but she’s also just a normal person, a mom, a wife – I don’t think she would identify herself as a Follower of Christ…but it hit me as we were talking about the bags I make and looking at etsy online…”THESE are my people”…my people are here, in this little corner of Seattle that I call home…They are a diverse group of funny, caring, crazy, imperfect, broken, annoying, wonderful people that I have been called to love and maybe even have the privilege of sharing with them the Jesus that I know. The One who loves them more than I could ever begin to – that wants them to have a full, wonderful life in His Kingdom both here on earth and after… I love my heritage…both my Wesleyan roots and more specifically the denomination that I was raised in. It was started on the streets, for the down-and-outers. I have a rich history of pastors and theologians and evangelists in my family that I am proud of…but I am also happy to know that my grandparents who are already gone would have “gotten” what we’re doing here in Wallinford…and the parents who raised me “get it”. They introduced me to what it looks like to be “A New Kind of Christian”…long before there was a book of that title… But back to that family reunion metaphor…I think we all have those people in our families that we only see at reunion times…that we talk to sort of awkwardly – we may not understand what they are talking about and they very definitely don’t understand what we’re saying…but, they are family and we love them…we’re just really glad that reunions only come once a year…or so… PS - Speaking of His Kingdom, the earth, A New Kind of Christian, etc…I was privileged to attend Brian McLaren’s “Everything Must Change” conference this weekend with RLG and her kid sister…it was incredible and challenging and scary and exciting…more on that later…. |
Friday, March 21, 2008
It Is Finished...
So you would think that on this Holy Good Friday, the above title would be in reference to our Lord's death, but no....
Lora is fully potty trained!!! Yeah! I am so excited, she's doing so well and has not had one accident for a week....she even seems almost ready to wear panties for bed too, she's been dry every morning. So, I am really excited to have that task overwith and happy that even though I waited for awhile... she's done.
Not trying to be sacreligious or anything, just excited about the progress!
Lora is fully potty trained!!! Yeah! I am so excited, she's doing so well and has not had one accident for a week....she even seems almost ready to wear panties for bed too, she's been dry every morning. So, I am really excited to have that task overwith and happy that even though I waited for awhile... she's done.
Not trying to be sacreligious or anything, just excited about the progress!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
A First...
So, with the downfall of Elliot Spitzer, the govenor of New York, who recently got caught in the prostitution scandel...there is a first in that state - actually two firsts. His lieutenant governor - so now the new governor of New York is the first black governor that state has ever had, which is a great thing. More interesting to me, however, is that he is also the first Legally Blind governor, I think ever in the US. I can't find that stat for sure, but I think he's the first.
An infection as a young child left him totally blind in his left eye and almost completely blind in his right. Which is basically the amount of sight that Lora seems to have only in the opposite eyes. I just find it inspiring to see someone with his challenges not only become the first blind Lieutenant Governor...but now governor of New York. I read an article about him talking about his ability to make speeches that contain numerous historical facts, statistics and details - without being able to read a tele-promptor. Very cool for someone with a blind child to see the success of other people with vision issues. Sadly, I hadn't heard about him before this recent scandel, but I'm glad that has brought him to my attention. I plan on following his progress as he takes over the governing of New York....
An infection as a young child left him totally blind in his left eye and almost completely blind in his right. Which is basically the amount of sight that Lora seems to have only in the opposite eyes. I just find it inspiring to see someone with his challenges not only become the first blind Lieutenant Governor...but now governor of New York. I read an article about him talking about his ability to make speeches that contain numerous historical facts, statistics and details - without being able to read a tele-promptor. Very cool for someone with a blind child to see the success of other people with vision issues. Sadly, I hadn't heard about him before this recent scandel, but I'm glad that has brought him to my attention. I plan on following his progress as he takes over the governing of New York....
Monday, March 10, 2008
Princess Party
I promised that I would write a more glowing post about Lora and her birthday...here's a from her Princess party (I tried to load more, but Blogger was having problems). It was a lot of fun, she was darling...as always and had a great time with all of her "adult" friends. I asked her over and over if she wanted to invite her friends from school to which she always answered "no"...I consulted her teachers to find out if I needed to push her to invite her friends since social seems to be the only area that she's a little behind developmentally and they all told me to just count my blessings. So I asked her again the other day if she was SURE she didn't want any of her school friends to come to her party and she said "Okay, you can invite some of my friends, but only my invisible friends". So that is the reason there were only adults and older kids at her party, but she loved it....
Last week, Mark preached about Jesus healing the blind man in John 9. There was a readers theatre version of the passage shared and the opening went something like this (as I remember it)..."Jesus was asked by his disciples 'whose fault is it that this man was born blind, was it his sin or the sin of his parents' and Jesus answered 'it is no one's sin that caused this to happen, but through this, God's glory will be shown in this man's life'"...I had trouble the whole morning keeping my composure - in fact, I was supposed to sing a song that was all about the blind man being healed, etc...I say "supposed to sing" because I really hardly made it through the song...I cried all through Mark's sermon. I tried to analyze the reason for my tears and I really don't think, at this point, that it is sadness that hits me every once in awhile. Its emotion that isn't always happiness or joy at her situation - maybe just being overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed by how well she's doing...at the person that she is already becoming, in spite of the challenges that she's been handed...I'm overwhelmed by the way that God's glory is already being shown in her life, in spite of her issues...She is a joy, no matter how strong-willed she is, she is brilliant, she is funny, she is beautiful and as she told us not long ago - I think she sees exactly what she is supposed to see....
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Happy Birthday....to the most stubborn little girl in the world...
Yes, today is Lora's 4th birthday...normally, on my kid's birthdays, I blog in some sentimental way about the day they were born, how my life changed forever the moment I looked into their eyes...which is true. But, today I am thinking more about Lora's stubornness.
Through no fault of her own, Lora is not potty trained yet. Yes, I know, she is four today and not potty trained. Honestly, I've been avoiding it, not because of some deep seeded need to keep her a baby...simply because I've tried a couple of times and she simply refuses to potty on the potty and I do believe she is the most stubborn child I have ever met. So, throughout the last year I've tried a couple of times and lost heart thinking maybe she's just not ready, maybe we've finally found the area in which she is developmentally behind....Anyway, a couple of days ago, Mark and I just decided that its time and that during the day, she will not wear pull-ups. The crazy thing is that outside of our home, she has had no accidents. She made it through two days of school completely dry but, at home, its a different story. She peed one time on the potty yesterday and had one accident. Then, this morning, she woke up dry...I put her on the potty - nothing...we started pumping liquids into her and I sat in the bathroom with her for a total of 3.2 hours (give or take a little) and NOTHING. We had begging, we had tears (from me and her), we had bargaining, we had threatening, we had tag teaming between both Mark and I because I needed a break...and no pottying on the potty...but lots of peeing in her pants...its been the most frustrating day...she simply doesn't want to potty on the potty so she won't....I don't think she can spend the rest of her life on the toilet, but I'm determined to make her sit there until she's done it. I am going to win this battle - I really didn't think there was another human being more strong willed than me, but I've met her. She's drinking a can of Diet Coke right now, so its only a matter of time until we're back in the bathroom fighting it out...
Tomorrow I'll post pictures of her in her Belle dress at her princess party....I'll talk about the day she was born in loving sentances, describing how much I love her - because I do...but today, she's driving me crazy....Even if she did just crack me up, watching Barbie Mariposa when she said, about the fairy prince, "I could really fall in love with that guy if I was a butterfly fairy."
Through no fault of her own, Lora is not potty trained yet. Yes, I know, she is four today and not potty trained. Honestly, I've been avoiding it, not because of some deep seeded need to keep her a baby...simply because I've tried a couple of times and she simply refuses to potty on the potty and I do believe she is the most stubborn child I have ever met. So, throughout the last year I've tried a couple of times and lost heart thinking maybe she's just not ready, maybe we've finally found the area in which she is developmentally behind....Anyway, a couple of days ago, Mark and I just decided that its time and that during the day, she will not wear pull-ups. The crazy thing is that outside of our home, she has had no accidents. She made it through two days of school completely dry but, at home, its a different story. She peed one time on the potty yesterday and had one accident. Then, this morning, she woke up dry...I put her on the potty - nothing...we started pumping liquids into her and I sat in the bathroom with her for a total of 3.2 hours (give or take a little) and NOTHING. We had begging, we had tears (from me and her), we had bargaining, we had threatening, we had tag teaming between both Mark and I because I needed a break...and no pottying on the potty...but lots of peeing in her pants...its been the most frustrating day...she simply doesn't want to potty on the potty so she won't....I don't think she can spend the rest of her life on the toilet, but I'm determined to make her sit there until she's done it. I am going to win this battle - I really didn't think there was another human being more strong willed than me, but I've met her. She's drinking a can of Diet Coke right now, so its only a matter of time until we're back in the bathroom fighting it out...
Tomorrow I'll post pictures of her in her Belle dress at her princess party....I'll talk about the day she was born in loving sentances, describing how much I love her - because I do...but today, she's driving me crazy....Even if she did just crack me up, watching Barbie Mariposa when she said, about the fairy prince, "I could really fall in love with that guy if I was a butterfly fairy."
Friday, February 29, 2008
Regrets
Our neighbor across the street, Elizabeth, passed away this week. When, exactly, we aren't sure. She lived alone and didn't have any relatives to speak of and she died sometime between Monday when Mark saw her and yesterday. The paramedics estimated that she had been gone probably since Monday night or Tuesday morning.
Our mailman came over yesterday and asked me if I had seen her because she hadn't been getting her mail or her paper...this is the same mailman that she shared her newspaper with every day for him to read at lunch time...so that set in motion various neighbors trying to figure out if she was in her house...she called me last week to tell me that she wouldn't be able to walk Zoe for a couple of weeks - oh, did I mention that she walked our dog..and our dog before this dog...everyday, just because she loves dogs - because she had a masectomy the week before. When she called, I asked her if she needed anything - if there was any way that we could help her - she, of course, said no and I didn't push myself on her too much...partly because I knew she meant it, partly because I was busy with my own family. I left for Oklahoma and Mark was busy with the kids so that, coupled with the fact that we knew she had had surgery, made us not notice that we hadn't seen her for a few days.
Its sad to me that she died alone in her home from a heart attack, or some results of her surgery and that she laid in her house, unnoticed for probably three days....its sad to me that even though she did this nice, wonderful thing for me by walking my dog - that sometimes I looked at her as an annoyance because she would come to get Zoe at times that weren't completely convenient for me...its sad to me that we lived across the street from her for over 5 years and we had to look at some of her mail in order to find out her last name so we could call the Bishop from her Ward and let him know what had happened...Its sad to me that she requested that she not have any type of service to remember her life - which brings all kinds of implications with it about how she saw herself in this life, etc....
If you met Elizabeth, she might have been a little gruff with you, she wasn't a naturally smiley, friendly person...I think she lived a hard life - she was married to a man who I don't think was very nice to her...But she was a good neighbor and we will miss her...As Lora said today, "I wish Elizabeth didn't have to go and live with God, I think she should come back..."
Our mailman came over yesterday and asked me if I had seen her because she hadn't been getting her mail or her paper...this is the same mailman that she shared her newspaper with every day for him to read at lunch time...so that set in motion various neighbors trying to figure out if she was in her house...she called me last week to tell me that she wouldn't be able to walk Zoe for a couple of weeks - oh, did I mention that she walked our dog..and our dog before this dog...everyday, just because she loves dogs - because she had a masectomy the week before. When she called, I asked her if she needed anything - if there was any way that we could help her - she, of course, said no and I didn't push myself on her too much...partly because I knew she meant it, partly because I was busy with my own family. I left for Oklahoma and Mark was busy with the kids so that, coupled with the fact that we knew she had had surgery, made us not notice that we hadn't seen her for a few days.
Its sad to me that she died alone in her home from a heart attack, or some results of her surgery and that she laid in her house, unnoticed for probably three days....its sad to me that even though she did this nice, wonderful thing for me by walking my dog - that sometimes I looked at her as an annoyance because she would come to get Zoe at times that weren't completely convenient for me...its sad to me that we lived across the street from her for over 5 years and we had to look at some of her mail in order to find out her last name so we could call the Bishop from her Ward and let him know what had happened...Its sad to me that she requested that she not have any type of service to remember her life - which brings all kinds of implications with it about how she saw herself in this life, etc....
If you met Elizabeth, she might have been a little gruff with you, she wasn't a naturally smiley, friendly person...I think she lived a hard life - she was married to a man who I don't think was very nice to her...But she was a good neighbor and we will miss her...As Lora said today, "I wish Elizabeth didn't have to go and live with God, I think she should come back..."
Friday, February 22, 2008
Update...
So, I'm still going ahead with my "business"...I put it in quotes because I don't think its really a legitimate "business" just because I have an Etsy store (with nothing in it yet) and business cards ordered from Vista Print (that haven't arrived yet)...but since my last post, I have finished two bags and an apron that could be listed in my store, I'm kind of waiting until I have 10 or so items to list AND once I get my business cards I'm going to use them as tags on my items to look more professional....I've also had a few people ask me for special orders so I'm working on getting the fabric for those...its kind of fun.
I leave tomorrow morning for Oklahoma City, my mom is having a little surgery so I'm heading down to keep dad company at the hospital and be there for them. Tomorrow is also my 38th birthday, so as a present to myself, I get to fly to OKC completely alone, with no children...reading a book or magazine or whatever I want....I land in OKC at around 4pm and my parents are actually out of town until about 8pm so I'm going to head off to "Hobby Lobby" my favorite OKC store and meader around...rest at my parents house until I head back to the airport to pick them up....it actually sounds wonderful to me....too bad my mom has to go through her surgery in order for me to get some "alone" time! :) So pray for my mom on Monday but, most of all, pray for Mark and the kids, especially Mark for the 5 days I'm gone...
Have a good weekend everyone...
I leave tomorrow morning for Oklahoma City, my mom is having a little surgery so I'm heading down to keep dad company at the hospital and be there for them. Tomorrow is also my 38th birthday, so as a present to myself, I get to fly to OKC completely alone, with no children...reading a book or magazine or whatever I want....I land in OKC at around 4pm and my parents are actually out of town until about 8pm so I'm going to head off to "Hobby Lobby" my favorite OKC store and meader around...rest at my parents house until I head back to the airport to pick them up....it actually sounds wonderful to me....too bad my mom has to go through her surgery in order for me to get some "alone" time! :) So pray for my mom on Monday but, most of all, pray for Mark and the kids, especially Mark for the 5 days I'm gone...
Have a good weekend everyone...
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Willo Creations
Well, I decided on a name for my little "business"...I'm calling it "Willo Creations", which you may notice is a combination of my two kids names. And please don't tell me if you don't like it because I've already created a shop on Etsy using that name...I think its cute, and I guess that's what's important...I haven't listed anything to sell yet because I don't have anything made that is available, even all the fabric I have right now is promised to people already. But, I thought I would list a few pictures of some of my latest creations, all of these are already for others, but anything can be replicated...for a price! HA! Anyway, I'm going to see if I can figure out how to list multiple pictures on here...we'll see how it goes...
Okay, so I accidentally listed one twice, but its really cute and I can't figure out how to delete it without having to do it all over....and my pictures are a little blury so I'll have to work on that...let me know what you think...
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